I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
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