I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
