So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
