he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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