matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
