then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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