I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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