I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
