dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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