you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
