me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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