Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
