Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
