Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
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We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
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I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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