i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Its about making memories worth repressing
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Randomize
