fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
