Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
