he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
