He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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