All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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