Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
