I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
