operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
