he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
