somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
