I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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