It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
