I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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