There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
