Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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