my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
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