She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
