I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
