ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
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You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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