The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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