He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
...so i touched it.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
