I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
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I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
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I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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