She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
