Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
