apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
