Yo dont text me then not text me
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
