Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
