Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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