I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
