you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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