He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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