a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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