what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
