he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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