cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
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What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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