GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
