So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize