I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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