I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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