In the future we'll all be gay
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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