We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
