where am i from again
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
