Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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