you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
