your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
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My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
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I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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