talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
