9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
