Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
