You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
