His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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