At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Will you blow on my dice?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
