I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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