I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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