Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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