Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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