Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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