I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
