We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
