I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Randomize
